To parent only one.

I guess I never really realized what life with 3 kids aged 3 and under really means. Jer and I took Victoria to an amusement park last night. He got some free tickets so all we had to do was drive down there and my mom babysat the other two because it was gonna be a late night. So we got there and we were halfway across the parking lot before I realized that already, it was easier. No stroller. No unbuckling 3 seats. No "Wait for me" "I want out first" "It's my turn to lock the car" "This is MY side of the stroller" "I want my cup" "I lost my shoe" "Did you get the bag" "No I don't have the bag I asked you if...go back... I'll wait here." I was holding Jeremy's hand instead of 2 sets of little hands or a stroller. We got to walk through the turnstile instead of the gate because we had no stroller. The stroller was a big one. Didn't have to park the stroller anywhere. Didn't have to make sure not to hit anyone with the stroller. Didn't have to try to figure out how to get the stroller through the mini-golf course. No diaper bag, no formula, no crying. Did I mention I got to hold Jeremy's hand? the. whole. day. NO DIAPERS. We haven't had an outing with no diapers since before Victoria was BORN. THREE years! We all sat having dinner and we all ate, at the same time, at a leisurely pace. I mean we did still have typical outing behavior like a spilt drink and someone little jumped in the little river to get her golf ball, but it wasn't that big of a deal. We bought ONE drink and it was enough to share. We bought ONE trinket and didn't have to worry about a fight. We were able to do the same ride over and over because we didn't have someone getting bored. But at some point my happy-go-lucky-gosh-this-is-so-easy attitude began to shift. I started to feel real uneasy. Anytime we left ANYWHERE I felt like I was missing something. Walking around carrying wet socks was odd... normally those would've been thrown right in the diaperbag. Wait the diaperbag, where's Nate, I'm sure he needs changed... oh wait. Right. He's not here. I was missing someone. And it was quiet. Too quiet. Normally when we go out as a family we get noticed. Naturally we're louder, we take up a bit more space, people notice strollers and then they see the 2 small children hanging onto the stroller and I can literally watch people's eyes go from kid to kid and then to me while thinking "are they all hers" or "I could never do that" etc etc. We didn't get that last night. We were... normal? It was weird. At one point I was strapping Victoria in a ride and she looked sad and I asked her what was wrong and she says to me "I wish Nate was here. He loves the trains."
I was glad to have the time alone with Victoria. A glimpse into a life I'll never have. But I couldn't get home quick enough. This morning was business as usual. Round of diapers, a few breakfasts, a couple sippies and a bottle. Rotation from child to child meeting their needs and forgetting mine. Getting them dressed and redressed. Helping them go potty and change another round of diapers. Naptimes, timeouts, tv, storytime, snacktime, another timeout for something. Three rounds of kisses. twice as many hugs. Sharing and conspiring. Rushing to me for every acheivement and boo-boo... all those important things that make me answer that "How do you do it?" question I get so often with a simple smile and confident "It's really not that hard."
So I've decided. Having 1 kid might be easier. But having 3 is much more my speed. Something I would never change. Not in a million years. Something I know I do well and feels so right. And maybe we'll make a point to have some more one on one time in the future but it's nice to know I'm not living with any regrets.

Shoes, shoes and more shoes

OK shoes have always been my weakness... when Jer and I moved to VA for the Navy the first time I had 63 pairs and I claimed to "wear them all!" Seriously my weakness. So after a few pgs and more than a few pounds my feet are 2 sizes up from highschool and I've been avoiding shoes the best I can because, well, slippery slope. A window display caught my eye at the mall yesterday and it literally froze me in my tracks. I was like "Oooh Victoria, looooooooooook." So we stood there admiring the shoes for a minute or two before prying ourselves away so we could move on to the task at hand. After completeling what we were in the mall to do we had to pass the beautiful window display again and Victoria pipes up "Mommy let's go in!" So of course I have to and before I know it, I'm trying on shoes. Gorgeous, beautiful, fantastic holiday heels. I'm in love. Victoria is on the floor oohing and ahhing with me. It's like walking on clouds. I forgot how good a nice pair of shoes felt on your feet. But I decline, muttering something about payday and needing to ask Jeremy before I spent that kind of money and the sales lady perks up and begins to tell me about this sale. This wonderful buy one pair get the next pair for $10. Any pair. Holy crap. Victoria and I beeline to the car where Jer is waiting (sleeping) with the other two (also sleeping) and I wake him and beg him for shoes. I can get anything when the man is drowsy so after he agrees without much fight Victoria and I rush back in to get my shoes! OMG they are even more perfect the 2nd time I try them on! The sales woman then says "so go pick out your second pair and these will be at the register for you." omg I get a 2nd pair! I completely forgot! So I head to the wall and start looking at shoes when I start to hear muffled laughter around me. I look around to see what's funny and see Victoria a few feet over from me. She is picking up a shoe, examing the top, the front, the side, flips it over for a quick second, ruffles her nose up and puts the shoes down. Then she does it with the next shoe and the next one. The sales lady comes to ask me if I've found one I want to try on yet and VICTORIA says, "I like this one. I'm a 11 please" and she hands the lady a rather cute purple peektoe stiletto (sizing was accurate by the way). The crowd roared. The woman stood there for a moment, holding her composure best she can and she says to Victoria, "I'm sorry miss, we don't carry those that small." and Victoria, in as grown up a manner as I've ever seen from her replies "Oh that's ok, I'll keep looking." and resumes her browsing.

omg I've created a monster!

The revolving door of the doctor's office

So at first I was kind of excited about going to the pediatrician, he is young, kinda cute, really nice, GREAT with the kids. I was slightly afraid I'd never learn his name though. I mean heck, I still have the old pedi's name written on the side of my fridge because I couldn't remember that! It's not like I go to the Dr that often anyway. Well, that used to be the case. I feel like I've seen more of Dr. G in the last few weeks than I've seen my husband! I guess it all started with Victoria's arm...

((( insert hazy dream sequence here )))

Victoria fell and we rushed her off to Urgent Care. The next day we were in seeing Dr. G because it wasn't getting better. Before we even got to see him though we got to run around the hospital taking and then tracking down x-rays. We finally manage to get some face time with our then nameless Dr except I'm totally exhausted and barely able to hold a conversation so learning his name wasn't exactly a priority. A week later we were in the Bone and Joint clinic seeing another doctor getting a cast. Just a few short days later I've got Evie in the Vision Clinic checking out her eyes. Any idea how difficult it is to try to dilate a tired baby's eyes? Yeah, well count yourself lucky if you don't. I do and lemme tell you - not fun. Three little days after that we are back with Dr G, this time Evie in to. We have a very successful well baby check up. Learned a little about the man, held up a decent conversation about the baby. That's probably the point that his name started to stick. But it doesn't stop there. Not but a handful of hours pass before I have to take Nate in to be seen for some little boy issues. Dr. G wasn't in that day so we saw the on-call and she was nice enough, but not nearly as cute. I most definitely prefer Dr. G-man. Finally today we return to the lovely office to try to find another solution to Nate's little boy problems and since we were his last patient of the day Dr. G was chatty. Such a nice man. It's too bad I am really sick of seeing him. I don't want to go back to his office again until December when Evie has another well-baby checkup. I officially used all the money that was generously given to me specifically for Dr visits. Betcha the man who gave me that didn't expect me to use it all in 3 days time huh?

Please let this be the end of the revolving door at the doctors... I'm so tired of going round and round. He could just come live next door to me and save me the $35 co-pay each time. I told him today he was starting to be an expensive conversationalist. At least he laughed a little. You see he's only been working in this practice since mid-August. He called me by first name today. That's a tell-tale sign of seeing a bit too much of him don't you think?